I'm Alive

Since someone made a dig about how I never blog, I thought to prove them wrong.

Let me tell you, you know you're desperate when you go on Match.com. Unfortunately, they don't advertise fuck bunnies :(

Old Ladies

I was in Liverpool yesterday sat having a coffee (it had chocolate shavings and was better than anything I'd ever drunk) and I saw two old ladies making out.

I could've been shocked or disgusted. Really, I was kind of impressed.

Orgasms

The thing is, all orgasms are great. I don’t know how some women can be unsure as to whether they’ve had one because when you do you know. Kinda like you know when there’s been an earthquake underneath your house.
But then, there are those supreme orgasms, the ones that are just off the charts pleasurable. They leave you feeling like you’ve just run a marathon. Your entire body literally convulses with pleasure, they’re that good. I’m not sure why some orgasms are just better than others. Perhaps it’s something to do with technique or the person you’re with. I hope I’ll find out one day.

Why...

...does the water taste better out of the kitchen tap than the bathroom tap?

Virtual Vagina

Found this on eBay. The description amused me:

"REALISTIC VIRTUAL MALE MASSAGER.
COMES WITH MASSAGER, SUPER SILKY TALC, MULTI SPEED POWER SOURCE.
ITEM IS BRAND NEW AND IS STILL BOXED."

Note: yet another sex toy disguised as a massager! But, fair enough on eBay. Wank away!

Living Vicariously

I do have one friend who knows of my sexual confusion. She herself is a lesbian. And not in the least afraid to talk about it. I met her in my last year of high school at a gig and we've been friends ever since. At the time she was going out with this guy that she was totally in love with but not in the least attracted to. To this day she suspects she's actually bisexual. Anyway...

She's gone off to Sheffield Uni this year and every few weeks I'll receive an email filled with news of her various sexual exploits. I know she's not rubbing it in (at least I think she isn't), but it still makes me wonder about the life I could have had if I was more like her.

It's a vibrator!

It's advertised as a "back massager". For fucks' sake, it's a vibrator! I can almost guarantee that everyone who purchases it does so with the intention of self-love (and I don't mean a nice back massage).
And what is so wrong with that?! Why must we be ashamed of our carnal instincts!

Masturbate away my friends!